You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
