Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
