just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Randomize
