Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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