i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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