I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
