Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
