dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize