Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
