I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
