Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
