Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
