I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
