need another drink. this is the easiest way
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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