garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So squirting runs in the family.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
