why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
