Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
