Your face is a jimmy john
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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