I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
