I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize