I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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