I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
