He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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