the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
