it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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