You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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