You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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