Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was like eating out sand paper
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
