my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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