haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
