Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
