Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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