there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
