he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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