I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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