Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
