He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
