would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
