dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize