after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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