I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
