Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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