Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
