he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Never underestimate the power of titties
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
