we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
