I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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