hotel room ftw
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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