i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
