Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
