i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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