Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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