I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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