He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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