this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
