I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
me + whiskey = a bad person
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
