I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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