i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
