Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
