So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
