This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
