If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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