I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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