Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
