You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
