i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
