you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize