Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
